Delhi Diaries: Rules of the road – Delhi style

Well it’s taken six months after being reunited to finally get her back into road worthy condition but we made it! The Babe and I taking Delhi by storm. Of course my driving technique needs to be refind to suit local conditions.
1. At a local T junction:
Do not slow down on approach, stop, look both ways, wait for a clear patch of traffic and pull out when safe.
Do, approach at speed, one hand on horn and after a mere cursory glance, pull out with no consideration to man, vehicle or, this being India, beast they will swerve to avoid you, in most cases.
2. At a major junction where traffic lights are involved and a right turn required:
Do not, mirror, signal, manouver, in order to place yourself neatly in the right hand lane, in alignment with the car in front, put on hand brake and wait patiently for the lights to change colour.
Do, find any gap to squeeze through ideally as far left as possible and keep revving engine, as soon as lights change, swerve across three lanes of traffic, whilst chatting on mobile phone and beeping horn. If feeling considerate, avoid oncoming cyclists.
3. On a narrow road hampered with speed bumps:
Do not sit patiently behind the bus/car/auto which has slowed down in order to avoid airtime and is gently bouncing over bumps.
Do, test ambi’s suspension to the max, sound horn, pull out into oncoming traffic, snarl it all up as you also have to slow down, to creep over speed bumps.
4. Do not give way at any point to any vehicle what ever the reason. This will only ensure smooth running of traffic and ease everyones journey to work.
Think I’m getting the hang of this!